This morning I took the time to listen to a podcast hosted by Steven Bartlett featuring the Author Sharoo Izadi talking about her book ‘the last diet you will ever need.’
Throughout the recording, I felt she was talking to me, she was giving me a big hug. So here I am feeling useless, out of control, and a big failure. She had no straight answer because we are all different. The important thing is we should know we are not alone. She stresses that we must be the last generation of dieters.
I am used to succeeding, I have climbed mountains and walked extremely long paths, I have pushed myself through tragedies and swam with my head above water only to fall back and feel worthless. I have no idea why I let that happen, I assume it is because I am undeserving, because that inner voice is telling me I am not as good as all the other people around me.
Sharoo describes the feelings we have when we fail with weight loss and why we start feeling bad about ourselves. I have struggled my whole life with body image, I have hated how I looked, hated my face, my hair, and just about most of me but one thing I am great with is the mask I create to fool everyone around me that I am happy, confident and just fine.
I dig back into my childhood and I wonder if through my images and feelings of my happy and safe former years, there are some underlying demons. Maybe if I could reach them I could deal with them but I have no idea what they are and how to describe them.
Sharoo encourages us to write down our thoughts, so here is today’s post. I am laying it all on the line. Please do not tell me what I should be eating, or how to exercise more, I know all of that. Most of us do. What we need to learn is how to create habits that show kindness to ourselves. Simply start from there. Is eating another piece of cake or taking a second helping of pasta showing kindness?
Three years ago I went on a journey where I was able to win over these invisible demons and I will say it was one of the happier periods of my life. I felt healthy from the inside and allowed myself to enjoy my life with a more positive attitude. Food intake played a major part as I fuelled my body with the nutrition that gave me results of weight loss, better sleep, and mobility. I felt 10 years younger. Then for some reason, I started to lose control and I found the excuses that lead me back to where I started. I had Covid and surgery and then my sleep pattern changed, my diet stopped working and I was too tired to exercise. The excuses grew and started to plan how I was to live my life. Quite honestly it was just shit.
LIGHTBULB MOMENT……. you get these when the magic happens through the fingers on your keyboard. Why on earth would I not want to repeat that journey to good health, it was a fun thing to do, and if I remember correctly that journey never felt like a chore. It was a challenge but one I was winning.
My daughter told me recently that she wanted her healthy mum back. I think I understand what she means. I am the same person, but dealing with demons as they cast dark shadows over any reasoning. It saddened me that she had to say that but it was a reminder that it was not all about me. During my healthy period, we enjoyed time together, shopping, going to the beach, creating healthy menus, and walking miles. That has all stopped now.
We can easily pretend the demons are not there and bury them somewhere just far away enough for them to be heard so they can mock our abilities.
So here I am, like me or not, it is another day. I am sitting in a coffee shop in India, I have ordered a coffee and given the complimentary biscuit back to the waiter. It is a small action but a habit I formed on my last journey. It worked then and there is no reason why I cannot stick to that habit again.
So one more thing, please take a look at the following video and reach out if you need help or someone just to chat to about this issue. You are not alone.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself a hug. You deserve it.
