Happy new year and what a great start to 2021. I could not be more positive.
POSITIVITY…………………. the practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude.
To get a few things out of the way as I explain myself, for my lack of blogging.
I have extended my stay in this fabulous little retreat near Alicante. It is hard to explain but when a small bunch of strangers get together you can bring out the best and the worst in each other, but that is life. We are learning to survive in the abnormal, none of us should be here really. However, our paths have crossed. It feels like we have all landed from out of space and different planets.
Xmas was fun. We were determined to enjoy it and we certainly did. Paper hats, squeaky trumpets and dancing to songs I cannot tell you about, because my age will be revealed. On to New years Eve, although we were only a few, we could still party and welcome in the new year. Whoop de doo!!!
And what a welcome: as we entered the first week of January. Then the wind changed in the east and I began to feel shivery and tired. I took to my bed. Fourteen days later, I emerged from my bedroom following a bout of the dreaded Covid.
Emerge is probably the wrong word to be absolutely honest. There was a new-found sense of energy and optimism. I had survived and come through it. I recall waking up, and watching the sun stream beautifully through my window.
I bloody beat it and I was feeling overwhelmingly grateful that my immune system was up to the job.
Thinking back, I never felt scared, not even when I had a fever, or I lost my sense of smell. Having vivid dreams about being in some of my paintings, as the colours and textures moved around my sleepy head. That was a crazy ride, and now I was feeling great. Not the same as the stories I had been reading over social media, I began to feel guilty towards the people who had suffered a lot worse than me, so I toned my positivity down, I surely was becoming annoying.
However we should never feel guilty about feeling positive. I made a pact with myself to remain feeling this way, my story would be free of any negativity, by trying to express how good I was feeling, not how awful I had felt. Each day I was using this to make me feel stronger and fighting fit. It was working. But I could not write and I still did not know why.
My head was full of positive stuff, over the top and brimming. I was scared that any day this energy would just disappear, just as people had told me this was highly likely. Each day passed and each day was still wonderful. Everything tasted awesome, the colours were brighter and humour was in the air.
Still I could not write.
January 24th, I could finally spend a night with my granddaughter. She is only five but is totally on my wave-length when it comes to acting silly and telling stories. She has the best imagination and is a delight. We were marching down the stairs singing and that is when I missed the bottom step and fell on all fours twisting my ankle. Later at the hospital, they told me it was broken, so now I have a foot the size of a balloon, crutches and pain killers.
Back to my bedroom again, where only a couple of weeks ago I was confined in isolation. My foot cannot be walked on. I am stuck. Positivity? Oh Yeah! I get breakfast in bed, I can get up and down two flights of stairs on my bottom (Good workout) I am off washing up duty. There is nothing to do except-
Yes you guessed it, ‘WRITE.‘
When you feel low and life seems to be feeling un-bearable. There is one thing you can do, find the positives, laugh at life full on in the face. If you say you do not want to be positive, or you cannot, negativity is winning you over. Tell yourself to believe in the positive side and – you know what? You can do this if you work at it. Life may be just the worst, it is how powerful you are at dealing with it that makes the difference. Start by getting rid of the negativity that acts like a grey cloud, hanging over your head.
People often work themselves toward feeling low, telling themselves that all is lost.
I know I am lucky, I am in a fantastic place with lovely people. Life has been hard for every one of us here though. Some of us are still under water. Don’t let yourself drown. Keep swimming, nobody is going to fish you out, only you will make it to the shore, but you must do the swimming.
Expect more from me in the next week. It feels great to be tapping away at the keyboard again.
BTW. Something really positive is happening, a group of young actors are using their lockdowns to create a company that I am sure is going places. Actors are having a tough time at the moment. You cannot put creativity on hold so please click the link and take a look. Their’s is the light at the end of the tunnel.